There were decades of my life when I expressed emotions through painting, sculpting, or sketching. Words were not available to me. I was plagued by recurring dreams where I had something urgent to say, yet when I tried to speak, I couldn’t, because my mouth was rammed full of chewing gum or chicken: I would be at the side of the road with two hands full of sticky chicken and gum, barely able to breathe, realising that the more I pulled out, the fuller my mouth was becoming. The primary feelings in that dream were panic, suffocation and shame. 

I’m one of the very lucky people who has been able to access excellent, long-term psychotherapy (I dare not imagine how my life might have looked, had I not). After 50 years of drawing, I noticed that the urge seemed to be fading, yet instead of leaving me mute and helpless with no means to express anything, I discovered that, after all these years, it was somehow time to write. I assumed that was that – I was to become a writer. Then, in 2022, after a significant series of life-changes, the Traumatized Ninja appeared. Finally, words and images were to encounter each other on the same page. As it turns out, they were made for one another.

Gone were wordy waterfalls and overwrought sketches – it was as if Time had boiled down a lifetime of anxiety and internal warring to a simple, yet rich reduction of anxiety and wisdom.

Welcome to the world of the Traumatized Ninja.

Having struggled for over half a century for the right to express my feelings, the idea of trawling my manuscript around to publishers, begging for a chance to be heard was out of the question. I’m not famous, I have no followers, I’m not an influencer. I’m invisible.

Together with my friend Bernd, we made the decision to get the Ninja out into the world, albeit below the radar and sidestepping all the usual rules of publishing. We have mobilized contacts around the world requesting they plant 500 copies of the book, in public places, private places, unusual places – like seeds, blown every which way. If you have come across a copy, we are so happy you’re checking in. We’re excited to track the Ninja’s journey!

For anyone who would like to buy a book, we offer it for 25 €. Postcards and posters for friends encountering crises, who might take comfort from a particular image will also be available. Please be patient with us! We have jobs and lives and responsibilities to manage, and we are not sponsored by anyone.